My Stroke Is Painful!

I seldom complain. Please correct me if i do otherwise. 

I have to admit though, that my tolerance for PHYSICAL PAIN is quite low. VERY low is more accurate.

I don't want to discuss about pain, let alone write about it. This is so because i don't like complaining. But i think this time, i need to acknowledge the pain i have been having due to stroke. Because i do feel that because i don't verbalize my pain and i muster the courage to bear my pain with poise and an occasional smile, some actually trivialize it and even wish they were in my place. REALLY! 

Best for me is to hold onto someone every time i get pricked so i don't tense my muscles where they need to stick a needle. But with my right arm paralyzed, and the left arm being used for all the tests i am left UNABLE to hold on to something or someone to brace for the pain.

There was NO pain at first. Not even WHILE i was having the strokes. Paralysis made my right side, from my face down to my toes NUMB. TOTALLY. I often heard my Doctors say "zero" while they graded my response to stimuli every morning in the hospital.

Then the "jerking" started. Still no pain BUT the jerking almost made me crazy. My leg would jerk up bent in the knee and twitch INVOLUNTARILY and CONSTANTLY, like every 4 seconds. And it went on for daysssss. It made sleeping impossible to a point they have to give me sleeping aids so i can get some sleep. Without sleep, my blood pressure goes through the roof. And we knew what may come next if it happened way too often. The jerking happened MOSTLY during daytime thus, I was sleepless and tired at the end of the day while immobilized IN BED. The jerking eventually significantly decreased ONLY after around  a month.

When I started therapy, my spirit lifted. I was moving and talking, though like a drunk toddler - unsteady and gibberish LOL. My right side's "feeling" slowly was increasing.

One of my most painful experience was when my right shoulder "fell". My Physical Therapy Doctor injected me with 100 units of botox that my muscles got too relaxed it can't "hold my shoulder". OMG the PAIN! The most painful i have felt in my entire lifetime! Worse than all my surgeries combined. Then she prescribed mega-doses of pain-killers that kept me "afloat" like a junkie for weeks. I am most grateful to my OT Ms. Khaye, and my traditional massage therapist, Aling Marvi for bringing me back.

My therapists said, men who had major strokes SELDOM recover from it due to their LOW tolerance for pain. Their words NOT mine. Now i understand why. STROKE IS PAINFUL. Not just for men, but for ALL who had major stroke. That is my assumption. I have yet to muster enough COURAGE to read a stroke survivor's personal account of their ordeal.

The first instant i awoke, EVERY after sleep, my body, specifically my right arm to my right leg, involuntarily stretches PAINFULLY. The pain is SEARING. Like a VERY intense leg cramp BUT up to my arm. Lasts about 15-20 seconds and leaves me breath-less and almost in tears everytime. This happened for almost two years. I think these are the times that pushed me to depression.

On top of these, my body temperature went awry in the most insane proportions, literally. Like my right side will feel very cold, while my left side feels like it's burning and vice versa. Most times, until today, my lower half feels cold and my upper half feels super warm. I also sometimes feel cold when it's warm and of course also the reverse. 

Today, there is STILL physical pain. Mostly in my arm and leg muscles. BUT they are now tolerable. My pain now are comparable to minor cramps or a strong headache at most. And they don't occur as often as before. 

I am not PHYSICAL pain-free yet. BUT i am grateful the worst is over. Well, that is the optimist in me speaking. 😉

"STROKE, Masakit Ha!"

noong una walang ka-aray-aray inaatake na pala ako kanang katawan ko'y namama-alam na nakatingin lang ako, manhid sa nangyayari sa loob ko

aray, ARAY, ?!$&@#%}# AAARRRAAAYYY!!! hindi ito biro ARAY! hindi ko na yata kaya, ang SAKIT TALAGA! tama na, tama na po, Diyos ko po, TAMA NA!

intindihin nyo naman ako hindi na ako manhid, nararamdaman ko na mula pagmulat ng mata, hanggang sa susunod na pagpikit puro sakit, ang sakit ay puro, kelan titigil ang sakit

mula buto sa balikat, hanggang paypay mula likuran, hanggang buong tagiliran mula kalamnan ng braso, hanggang bawat daliri mula kalamnan ng hita, hanggang dulo ng paa

sigaw ng buong kanan ko ARAY daing ng buong kaliwa ko TAMA NA paki-usap ng kabuuan ko UNAWAIN NYO AKO please lang, MASAKIT HA!!!

- ldp21915

My Need For Introspection

My New Adventure: The Robin Sharma Way

My first encounter with Robin Sharma was through his book, "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" years ago. It has made quite an impression on me that i look forward to reading more of his work. But MY work got in the way and i never got to follow it up with another but he remained on my look-out list.

More than two years after my stroke, i am at a point when i am craving for "productivity". With half my body, my right side which is also my strong side, still not fully awake and still needs to catch up, my day can be monotonous.

A typical day would have me watching TV, engaged on my social networks, reading (but not as much as before) , surfing the net, playing games on my iPad, on Facetime and Viber conversations highlighted by an occasional get-together with friends or a short day trip around town.

I was used to a 12-14-hour work schedule in my previous life, teeming with meetings, materials to read, papers to write, out-of-town trips, group discussions and decisions to make. As an executive's assistant i was always on the go and at hand at a moments notice. Imagine the drastic changes i have to endure post-stroke. Thus, the craving for more productive action.

One very early morning, around 2am, i awoke with a start, not knowing what awoke me or why. I opened my iPad to go to Facebook and i chanced upon an invitation from Robin Sharma to try his productivity workbook and join his FB Group. I was naturally interested. The moment i accepted his invitation, i was hooked and my fascination with his work re-kindled.

It was like a prayer answered. I was looking for a structure, a tool, a way to help me have a more productive day and i was given so much more. I am GRATEFUL i re-discovered Robin (feeling close) at a time when i have all the time in the world to try out his teachings. Not only to READ his works and LEARN from it but to actually DO as he suggests and LIVE and BE BETTER from it.

From his workbook, " Your Productivity Unleashed " i have re-defined my day to start at 5:00 in the morning ( he says our mind is most alert and active in the 5-8 in the morning window ) and i incorporated his 20-20-20 system -- 20 minutes exercise, 20 minutes journal entry to include at least 5 goals for the day, and 20 minutes for learning something. I will discuss how i do this "holy hour" in detail next time.

Also, i have re-designed my day after his " 90-minute spint then rest " model. I will do an activity, say read or write for 90 minutes then stop to do something else to rest or re-focus, then continue what i am doing or begin a new activity. He says this way helps my mind focus more and function better particularly on comprehension, retention etc.

When i logged in to get the workbook, i joined his FB group and was introduced to so many like-minded people that it felt like an early Christmas party! And more materials are available to help me along.

I will re-read "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" . I will follow my new schedule for a more productive day. I will review my life goals and personal aspirations primarily using his guide and teachings. And i will share my journey i now call, My New Adventure: The Robin Sharma Way.

You are most welcome to join.

LOOKING BACK

This time, two years ago, i was on a hospital bed trying to process an information given me -- I had a mild stroke. CT-Scan showed, i had a burst vein in my brain that looks like a tiny dot and technically called a HEMORRHAGIC STROKE.

My speech was slurred, part of my face drooped or visibly sagged but i was back to "normal" after a few hours and was discharged from the hospital after a couple of days.

I had no idea " the big one " will strike shortly after. After ten days, i had a ISCHEMIC STROKE or there was a blockage in my brain, in a cerebral artery, that occurred where my motor skills "command center" is -- my right side slowly took a leave of absence and i was left with just "half a body".  Well, that's another story.

Looking back, what could have i done differently in those ten days, i asked myself soon after and still when i recall what happened. Looking back... none ... in ten days. I was already STROKE waiting to happen.

My blood sugar was in the high 200, blood pressure not straying far from 140-180 / 100, my mind on my work and other things 24/7. I thought i can manage... i was only 43 anyway, i can take it... or so i thought.

Looking back, way way before May 8, 2012... i should have paid attention at the time my blood pressure started displaying abnormal rates more often, when my weight almost doubled, when my laboratory results gave high non-normal values. I should have paid attention years ago. Then why didn't i?

I did not pay attention because there was no pain. I did not pay attention because there was NO pain. How stupid was that?

Looking back, i thought then that there were NO immediate concerns because i was not feeling any pain. There was no discomfort. Nothing could be terribly wrong if there is no pain right? WRONG.

Looking back, i know now that our chances of avoiding health problems is higher IF we pay attention to what our body is telling us. When our body is screaming at us through our laboratory results or random checks on our vital signs -- blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, triglycerides, creatinine etc. Or whispering silently when we're always stressed or when we look in the mirror or step on the scale.

LISTEN AND PAY ATTENTION. Act to remedy and correct where need be ASAP - as soon as possible. Not ten days before or a week BEFORE the major stroke or heart attack. Not at stage 3 or 4 of cancer. Not before a limb is set to be amputated or an eye goes blind. As soon as you know you're no longer in the healthy range is the best time to act. Then, our chances of a good fight is on our side.

What-you-don't-know-won't-hurt-you DOES NOT apply to our health. We need to know the status of our health all the time so we don't get hurt.

Looking back, i am grateful to have come a long way from where i was two years ago. But, I know now that when my body is telling me something, i stand at full attention.

And you should too. :)

Beware!

BEWARE!

A major health problem can turn your world upside down.

Stroke, heart-attack, cancer and other medical nightmares we used to hear only happen to OLD people are now happening and can happen to anyone at any time in their life. It can happen to YOU. It happened to ME.

If you are always stressed, eats, drinks and smokes too much, or if you keep forgetting you are no longer in your twenties and constantly indulges in EXCESSES, you might be in for a surprise any time soon.

If one day you decided to look after yourself and planned to shape-up and even actually went to your doctor for a check-up BUT after a few days or weeks totally forgot about it thinking you're okay after a few month's prescription, YOU ARE NOT OKAY!

Most health problems in our generation are associated with our lifestyle- the food we eat, the hours we keep and the environment we have ensconced ourselves in. And I know now what my doctors meant when they said they are AVOIDABLE and PREVENTABLE or the very least, if the health issue is well imprinted on your DNA, its manifestation DELAYED.

Before my stroke, I only go to the hospital for operations, you know, those ending in -my -- appendectomy, myomectomy and hysterectomy. I didn't monitor my blood pressure or my sugar level though I was told I should as they spiked during my various hospitalizations. My reason is simple, in retrospect STUPID - I was not feeling any pain anywhere.

I am an example of those who were "good patients" for a few days even months then totally forgets or disregards medications all together thinking doing one, or two, good thing like managing my weight is enough...  NOT!

Now, I take my medications religiously, shows-up to my check-up punctually WHILE STILL eating healthy. You cannot do one without the other when your doctor tells you, you are at risk. And after two quarterly check-ups and laboratory tests, I am now an A patient. From two stroke attacks more than a year ago with vital health stats to the roof, they are now at NORMAL.

IT CAN BE DONE. Why did I wait until I had a stroke to understand my situation? I guess that's NORMAL.  We tend to wait until something HURTS us before we are moved to ACT. 

Know how you are NOW! How much do you really weigh NOW? Not when you were  in high school or ten years ago, NOW! What is your regular blood pressure, sugar level, cholesterol, triglycerides, uric acid etc. Do you even know your blood type? How are your eyes? Your ovaries? Your breasts? Your prostate? 

What are your health risks?  Know your health risks now so they don't take you by surprise.

BEWARE IF YOU CARE FOR YOURSELF and YOUR LOVED ONES.

" PATAY - agad agad? "

Karamihan sa Pinoy, lalo mga Pinay, MA-DRAMA.

Malimit nating maririnig ang mga bulalas na, " Mamatay ako! " o di kaya ay makabagbag damdaming  " Magpapakamatay na lng ako! " - and its many variations.

" Mamamatay ako!" 

• Pag namantsahan itong paborito kong damit
• Pag di ko nabili yun
• Pag kinikiliti ako ng boyfriend ko
• Pag nahuli kong nambababae bf ko
• Pag binasted niya 'ko
• Pag nahuli ko syang nanlalalake

" Magpapakamatay na lang ako! "

• Pag naputol paa ko ; kamay ko 
• Kundi ka rin lang mapupunta sa akin
• Pag iniwan mo ako
• Kung magiging gulay na rin lang ako
• Pag di na natigas ang akin
• Etc. etc.

Patay agad?!

Hindi ba pwedeng magdadalamhati lang  o nasaktan ng sobra sa nangyari?

Eksaherada... OA... Drama... Etchos. ....

Sagad sa buto, tagos sa lamang mga damdaming naghuhumiyaw man, PAG pinagisipan ng malalim, kasama ang puso, natatalos naman kalimitan ng pagkatao mong .., "...ay para pala akong sira... ay kaya ko pala!"

Ibang klase lahi natin eh. 

Nakaka-ngiti kahit na nga tinamaan ng sunog, bagyo at baha. Sa gitna ng sakuna, umikot ka, lalo kung may dala kang kamera, may makikita kang nakatawa. Only in the Philippines nga eh.

Iba ang naturalesa natin - matapang; matibay; AC-DC; kahit saan itanim,tutubo; parang skyflakes,malutong kahit anong ipatong. 

Tama. Eksaherada lang. Tao lng po, Pinoy pa!

Pero ang suma sa huli , KINAKAYA AT KAKAYANIN NATIN!

Patay, agad agad? 

Hindi naman, pa-survive SURVIVE din pag may time. 

When STROKE struck, not once but twice! 

There was no pain. It crept slowly.

It was a fairly easy day on May 8,2012. I was able to log out from work early to pack for a trip that night to Ilocos Norte to join Barangay Officials on their annual Lakbay-aral and share some thoughts on a topic they wanted me to discuss. 

Packing was done leisurely as I had hours to spare.  After packing, I started to work on my lecture outline and multi-media presentation. With FOUR doughnuts on the side  and my laptop on hand, work commenced. 

As I was working, I felt weird -- sleepy, dizzy, weak. Thinking it was due to staring at the computer for quite some time, taking a power nap was my logical remedy. When I woke up, the weird feeling was still there. I got up, combed my hair... dropped the comb.  I walked to the table, grabbed my notes on a paper... I dropped the paper. Weird...

As it was getting dark, around 6:30, I decided to go down from my pad, cross the street to my parents' house and have dinner before my trip at 9 that night. My mother and I were talking about the trip and the "pasalubong" she wanted as I ate. Then I dropped my fork...

I am not clumsy, but I dropped a comb, a note and a fork minutes apart from when I held them and all within 20 minutes.

My mind went on emergency mode.

I remembered a Facebook post once that said if you felt weird for no obvious reason try to RAISE BOTH YOUR ARMS STRAIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU PALMS DOWN, IF ONE ARM FALLS UNCONTROLLABLY, YOU'RE PROBABLY HAVING A STROKE! The post also said put out your tongue and check if it is skewed to the right or left, normal is straight. Also, to try to say a simple sentence and it should be clear and not garbled.

I tried the arms...my right arm refused to stay up and was slowly falling down.

Calmly, I asked my mother to tell our driver to take me to the emergency admissions as I think I might be having a stroke.

My vital signs upon admission confirmed my suspicion. My blood pressure was more than 200 and my blood sugar level was through the roof at 300. CT-scan results confirmed I just had a hemorrhagic stroke. A teeny tiny vessel burst in my brain.  My face sagged and got a bit skewed,  and my grip weakened. Speaking was also difficult and garbled. 

After a few hours I started feeling better - face back to normal, speech clear,strength back on, vital signs normal and eventually stabilized. I was discharged from the hospital after three days. STROKE STRIKE ONE.

I took things slowly from that day and especially religiously took my medicines and watched the food I ate closely.

One afternoon, to pass time while waiting for my scheduled doctor's appointment I went to the mall for some quick errands.  While walking, i noticed some near mis-steps. I raised my arms to check. They were steadily parallel to each other.  But the weird feeling was slowly creeping in. We decided to come early for my appointment.

This time my doctor said " You are having a stroke in progress." 

Within hours after i was admitted, 10 days after my discharge from the same hospital, my right side lost strength dramatically, speech totally deteriorated and CT-scan showed a pin-sized blood clot in my brain. STROKE STRIKE TWO.

This time my mind was quite empty.

Q & A later... emotions at a stand still... I went to my happy place. 

... this too shall pass.